Sunday, July 1, 2007

TSA Should "Get A Little Tougher" on SUVs. Part 2 in a series by Paul Berge

After Saturday's terrorist attack on the Glasgow, Scotland Airport, in which a Jeep SUV crashed into the terminal and burst into flames, Homeland Insecurity boss, Michael Chertoff, might be thinking about refocusing his efforts from getting tough with those darn "small airplanes," he so despises, to banning all SUVs before things get out of his control and Americans end up ignoring him completely.

As reported last week ( and as gleaned from the June 16, 2007 NY Times ©, Michael Chertoff-- who's rumored to become the new host of the Fox-TV hit series, America's Greatest Fears ©--has expressed his desire to "get a little tougher" on General Aviation by further restricting what he casually referred to as "small planes." Ignore for a moment the fact that so-called "small planes" pose no threat to anyone, and any self-respecting (oxymoron, I know), fanatical, god-abusing terrorist wouldn't be seen seeking martyrdom in something that would bounce off most structures (think: the Cirrus that hit the apartment building along the East River or the B-25 bomber that hit the Empire State Building in 1945--tragic lose of life to crew but minimal damage to the structures).

Non-elected tough-guy, Chertoff, not only wants to needlessly restrict "small planes" but crack down on "small boats" so they can't, it's supposed, ram aircraft carriers, floating casinos or the Statue of Liberty. Perhaps, Chertoff in his zeal to keep all Americans indoors and safe from ourselves, has overlooked the threat of the hundreds of millions of wheeled vehicles on the road--each packed with dozens of gallons of explosive gasoline. These devices--as used in Oklahoma City 1995, every day in Baghdad and this week in Scotland--can be driven by anyone into anything and exploded. Solution: Get those SUVs safely locked away from their owners.

Once four-wheeled vehicles, "small planes" and bass boats are restricted by Chairman Chertoff, of the People's Committee On Homeland Insecurity, I highly encourage his excellency to cast a glance at the growing threat from gangs of middle-aged accountants, dentists and orthopedists freely buying and operating small, two-wheeled weapons delivery devices (TWWDD) along all American highways. Yes, I'm referring to the Harley Threat. We've all seen 'em; some of us ride 'em, but Chairman Chertoff must know what lethal potential a pack of 20, even, 30 Harley softails poses to his, our nation. So, Chertoff must Ban the Harleys! And don't think you Vespa riders are off the hook. Chertoff, undoubtedly, knows what terror lurks in your 60-miles-per-gallon souls. Ban the Vespas!

Ban the Hybrids!

Ban bicycles, skateboards, wheelchairs, walkers and inline blades!

Or: Ban Chertoff!

Remember: "First, the TSA came for the airline pilots, I ignored it, because it didn't affect me, a small-airplane owner. When they came for the corporate, charter and turbine pilots, I, again, ignored them, because it didn't affect me. Then--they came for me, and there was no one left to help." *


* With compliments to Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

Editorial by Hangar Flying Theater's host, Paul Berge, himself a "small plane" owner, flight instructor and voter.

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